Patti Smith once said “Good news doesn’t necessarily have to be a positive thing. Bringing good news is imparting hope to one’s fellow man” and by golly, she was right on the money. If you’re as loathsome as myself, have a propensity to thrive on Schadenfreude and laugh heartily when children fall over in the street, then this next bit of news is sure to cheer you up: X Factor has officially been cancelled.
Confirming the news to normie rag TV Tonight, producers of the gutter-tier reality show have cited failing ratings as the main driver behind the decision to can the show, with Seven Network’s Head Of Programming Angus Ross saying “X Factor is not coming back….we are very hard markers on ourselves, versus others. Some numbers that may get a pass on other networks don’t get a pass mark with us. So we have a number of slots to fill and over the next couple of months we’ll be announcing a lot more.”
The axing of X Factor was to be expected; with the canning of Australian Idol several years ago, it was only a matter of time before the arguably inferior X Factor was next in line on the chopping block. Nine Network’s The Voice is now the only singing-themed show left on Australian television, and it’s likely only a matter of time before that’s shitcanned as well. We hope.
Why am I so joyous at the news, you ask? Don’t get me wrong — I’m not one of those insufferable fuckwits that complains about shows like X Factor and The Voice lowering the standards of the music scene as a whole, promoting wildly average musicians over quality, original artists, and pandering to the lowest common denominator of entertainment. While all of those things are true, my joy stems from one thing, and one thing only — I no longer have to listen to the active-wear adorned, green smoothie guzzling normie oxygen-thieves discuss the latest episode in the lunchroom at work, while I cop questions such as “You’re a musician, right? What do you think of so-and-so?” and “Oh, wait —- you write for a blog don’t you? You should write a thing about so-and-so, he/she is great!”. Well, guess what Patricia; X Factor is dead. Go fuck yourself.
Although, I guess it wasn’t all bad. X Factor did give us Altiyan Childs, so we at least have to thank them for that.