Articles

Driving Miss Erised

“We’re in the Clem 7 again aren’t we? … I take that silence as a yes.” – Erised. Unbeknownst to many, I made an agreement back in May to be Erised’s faithful chauffeur. He pulled me up and asked one day if I wanted to go and see She Cries Wolf (yes, I’m the “other Chris” he mentioned in that review), before adding nonchalantly: “All you have to do is drive us up there.” I could have refused, but I didn’t. The task seemed simple enough. I mean, what could go wrong while accompanying a brutally charismatic stallion who doesn’t ever shut the fuck up about his goddamn opinions on an adventure around Brisbane? All I had to do was drive us up there. You know when something sounds too good to be true that it actually isn’t? This is that. See, driving a friend to a gig isn’t overly difficult. I had done it multiple times before. The only difference was that they weren’t Erised – the man renowned for his “I argue for the sake of arguing” attitude, and if ever displeased with your response, will purposely drag other victims into said argument … simply because he can. Have you ever seen a grown man take a plush figure up to a cashier and ask if it’s the worst character in all of gaming history? I have, and it was something that I probably could’ve lived without. This almost occurred a second time too on the topic of Eeveelutions, but my dank Pokemon knowledge was enough to stop him from spending a good 30 minutes telling some...

Interview: Björn ‘Speed’ Strid (Soilwork)

Swedish death metal act Soilwork need little introduction. Their career has already spanned two decades and they seem to just improve with time. Their latest album The Ride Majestic has been met with acclaim from fans and critics alike. Ahead of their Australian tour next year, Dave Mullins chatted with frontman Björn ‘Speed’ Strid about the tour, songwriting and working with the legendary Jens Bogren. Dave: So are you excited to come over here? Speed: Absolutely, it’s gonna be a blast, and performing these new songs live in Australia is gonna be crazy. We just came off a North American tour where we performed five songs from the album and I think they transition very well. So I’m really excited about that. That’s great. The new album has been getting some really good reviews, what sort of reactions are you getting when playing the songs live? Some really good reactions, I think. We were the direct support to Soulfly on the North American tour and we had 45 minutes, and we tried to focus on the new album, but yeah the crowd loved the songs. I think it went over well. And how do you go about preparing for touring? How do we go about preparing for the tour? Well, hopefully some rehearsals, we do live spread out all over the planet, pretty much. So it’s pretty hard to do any spontaneous jam sessions on a Tuesday night. But I think we’ll have some pre-production, here in Sweden before heading to Australia. We’re gonna do a European tour now, in December so that will get us warmed up, I...

10 Band Names Inspired By Pieces Of Literature: Part I

Music is good. Books are good too. Sometimes, musicians read books and name their bands after them. Here is a list detailing at least ten. [note: list is in no specific order] THE DOORS (The Doors of Perception – Aldous Huxley) ‘There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.’ Jim Morrison, a.k.a. the “Lizard King”, originally studied film at UCLA before meeting keyboardist Ray Manzarek in 1965. Somewhere along the line, Manzarek read some of Morrison’s poetry, and promptly suggested that they start a band. Morrison took the group’s name from Aldous Huxley’s The Doors of Perception, which was originally inspired by William Blake’s poem, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. And thus, The Doors were born. TITUS ANDRONICUS (Titus Andronicus – William Shakespeare) Demetrius: Villain, what hast thou done? Aaron: That which thou canst not undo. Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother. Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother. Don’t be deceived. Alongside the original “yo mumma” joke, Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus also features murder, cannibalism, rape, a live burial, and torture – all in the name of revenge. It’s positively brutal, very much unlike the band who decided to take their name from it. If you don’t like the music, go and read (or watch) the play instead. I can guarantee you’ll never diss The Bard again. AS I LAY DYING (As I Lay Dying – William Faulkner) ‘The reason you will not say it is, is because when you say it, even to yourself, you will know it is true.’ Hmm, kind of like admitting to a crime...

IPHYB PLAYLIST 6/12/15

If you were wondering where last week’s playlist went, let’s just say we had a “Fallout 4 related incident” which basically meant that the playlist didn’t get done. On the plus side, my fully modded Hunting Rifle “Grinning Death” is in top condition, thanks for asking. As always, you can check out last week’s (two weeks ago technically) playlist, subscribe to us on YouTube and Spotify. For now, however, enjoy this week’s IPHYB playlist for YouTube and Spotify! Just go sit in the corner and don’t touch anything, Tidal. Track list: 1. Teenage Bottlerocket – Bigger Than Kiss 2. The Rolling Stones – Paint It, Black 3. RX Bandits – Stargazer 4. Marcus Marr & Chet Faker – The Trouble With Us 5. The Hotelier – An Introduction To The Album 6. From Autumn To Ashes – Short Stories With Tragic Endings 7. Teen Suicide – doing all the things i used to do with people, pt. 2 8. The Veronicas – Cruel 9. Meat Loaf – I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) 10. DARKO – Canthus Viewpoints 11. Eagles – Hotel California 12. Gorod – Elements and Spirit 13. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Slow Cheetah 14. Eagles Of Death Metal – I Love You All Of The Time 15. Zardonic – Vigilente 16. Will Haven – Saga 17. Pailhead – I Will Refuse 18. Children Of Bodom – Triple Corpse Hammerblow 19. The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza – The Alpha The Omega 20. High Tension – Bully 21. Intronaut – Fast Worms 22. Pet Shop Boys – Always On My Mind 23. The...

IPHYB Top 5: Beginner’s Songs To Listen To When Your Parents Don’t Understand You

Part one of a collaborative series between Ben S. Frizon, B.A., Esq. and Samuel L. “Motherfucking” Gelfand, PhD., M.D., AMG 6.3L V8. Are you twelve years old, 20kg overweight (that’s 44 lbs. for you freedom-loving folk), and picked last for every sports team? Did your mother take away your Xbox for giving your little brother a Stone Cold Stunner, and did your bastard stepdad Brett drink all of your Mountain Dew? Are you filled with angst and don’t feel like you fit in at school with all of the normies, since the only person willing to sit with you at lunch is that asthmatic diabetic loner kid Brendon, who despite his age not only still pisses his pants but shits on the school bus? Check off all that apply. If you can relate to any of the above, then this is the article for you! Look, kid, we get it. Once upon a time, we were just like you. We went through exactly what you went through. You need an outlet to focus all of that rage, all of that suffering, and all of the anger that only you go through, which makes you unique and special like a tar-black snowflake with spikes on it. We’ve compiled this list to help you get through this difficult stage in your life. We tried it, and look how well it’s worked for us! Actually, that’s a bad example, moving on. So the next time Brett turns off Smackdown so he can watch football instead and tells you to go to your room, even though you’re almost an adult and you can...

OBITUARY: SCOTT WEILAND, 48, Dead and Bloated

At 8:22 PM Central Time on December 3rd, 2015, emergency services in Bloomington, Minnesota responded to reports of an unresponsive male aboard an RV. He was pronounced dead at the scene, the cause of death unknown. To the disappointment of music fans everywhere, that man was Scott Weiland: singer, songwriter, and rock star in the truest sense of the word. As many people have pointed out, not many people are surprised. Really, it was only a matter of time. Weiland’s struggles with addiction have been well-publicized over the years. Weiland claimed to have been sober since 2002, despite much evidence and many sources pointing to the contrary (including his own account of a cocaine binge in 2007). As we all know, Weiland (born Scott Kline) rose to prominence at the helm of San Diego’s Stone Temple Pilots, the first popular grunge act not to hail from Seattle. Despite being ripped by critics for supposedly being a Pearl Jam rip-off, their 1992 debut album, Core, went platinum eight times and won a Grammy for Best Hard Rock Performance with the single “Plush”. They racked up three more hit singles with their 1994 follow-up, Purple, and cracked the top 40 in 1999 with the acoustic “Sour Girl”. Weiland had been using cocaine since his teenage years, but he first tried heroin before a New York City show on August 3rd, 1993. It would prove to be his downfall. His drug-induced behavior, in addition to several arrests, lead him to being kicked out of STP in 2002. He claims that was the last time he used heroin. Soon afterwards, he formed Velvet...

JACK THE STRIPPER Announce Breakup, Final Tour, Satire in Spades

Melbourne chaotic outfit Jack The Stripper have today declared that they would be splitting up, after years of smashing their way through venues nationally and internationally. This announcement came after multiple longstanding disputes within the band. Additionally, sources close to the band allege singer Luke Frizon consistently derailed the writing process of their scheduled follow-up to debut album Raw Nerve with a disturbing devotion to politically correct stage banter. “He just doesn’t stop,” Adam Harris, guitarist, says through gritted teeth “Every word that comes out of his mouth is an overly rehearsed vignette about peace and love and shit. It’s all so fake. We know he’s a narcissistic scumbag so why does he even pretend? Last time we tried to get him in the studio, he stood in the booth thanking the producer for coming to the show and supporting the band – it went for over 30 minutes. It was awful. We tried locking him in the bathroom, just for a break for the sake of our sanity, and could hear him through the door… He was encouraging his reflection in the mirror to chase his dreams and never hold back or something.” Tensions were already running high in the Jack The Stripper camp after a disagreement between the drummer and bassist turned violent last month. “I come out of the bathroom and there he is, eating my carbonara,” says Tim Anderson, bass player, as he nurses a broken hand. “Who does he think he is? It’s clearly marked ‘Tim’. Well, I think it was. Goddamn wrestling jock. This happens every rehearsal and I’m sick of it.” When...

COLOSSVS – ‘UNHOLY’: A Track By Track Review By Ex-Guitarist JOSEPH ‘JOY’ CERASO

Ahhhh, Unholy. Unlike Blackout, our then bass player – who was at the beach 50% of the time during tracking the album – I was present for the majority of it. When I wasn’t, I either had schnitzels to sell, Nonna’s to visit or ex’s to attend to apparently. Here’s my review of the best Behemoth rip-off album you probably listened to once and thought “Is the Mexican guitarist really that little keyboardist knob from Hiroshima Will Burn?” CATHEDRAL Listening back now it sounds alright and yeah, it sets the mood or whatever, but the main thing to take away from this is that the reason the snare sounds so nice is because Ash spread a light layer of hair pomade across the drum head to make sure it reflected his well dressed, cool guy, two-singlets-at-once sort of vibe. CHRISTBURNER Ohhhhhhh what an edgy song title. Nah but seriously, Mike and I are probably the best guitarists when it comes to ripping off another song/riff. However, I can honestly say the opening riff is the first time I’d ever written something that wasn’t just a re-work of a Dimmu Borgir or Mastodon riff. The end of this song is the best riff ever written. I’ll challenge anybody who tries to tell me otherwise and go fuck yourself for whatever you’re thinking right now. Christburner Fun Fact: True story, Tommy from Between the Buried and Me was going to do a spoken word section during the ‘up the punx bit’ but said it didn’t feel like the right moment for it, which we really appreciated because he was right. But...

Interview: Chris Cerulli of MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

Written by Joshua Wessling MOTIONLESS IN WHITE will be making their first ever non-Soundwave appearance in Australia as a part of the Big Ass Tour this December. Vocalist Chris Cerulli took the time to have a chat with me about the upcoming tour, comparisons to Marilyn Manson and of course, Australian butts. Hey Chris, how’s it going? Good, dude. We’re off today, only one show left on this tour, just gonna spend the day relaxing, get some dinner and whatnot. For people who don’t know who Motionless In White is, who are you, and why should we care? Well, we’re the worst band from the United States, so you should probably check that out, cos why would anybody not wanna hear the worst band? I dunno man, you have BrokenCYDE. Haaaaa, well I guess we’re in the top 10. People love tragedies and trainwrecks so you should definitely hear it. How long have you guys been stealing Slipknot’s rhythms for? I knew from the first moment that I heard Slipknot that I just wanted to be them so we’ve made a pretty healthy career out of being the unmasked version of them. I did a little bit of research while writing these questions last night. On your wikipedia page under the ‘Influences’ sub-heading, it lists literally 39 different bands and artists in alphabetical order. That’s fucking ridiculous – so list three bands that you reckon would best describe your band, and god help me, I will edit the Wikipedia page for you once this interview is over. Haha, I feel like Wikipedia is the perpetrator of lies on the...