Song: After Change – “All or Nothing”

Song:  After Change – “All or Nothing”

Song: All or Nothing
Band: After Change
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Date of Release: 12/04/2015
Genre: Alterno-crap
Reviewer: Dead Set Dave
For Fans Of: People who can’t find a decent sleeping pill
Why They Aren’t They Famous? Probably because they aren’t very good

This is my problem with the watered-down nature of music today. A band has the nerve to call themselves a punk rock band, when all they’re doing is spitting out some derivative pop-rock garbage that wouldn’t be out of place on a Katy Perry record. When did the priority of bands become making boring music? Because that’s what this is – Boring. Fucking. Music.

Firstly, it’s repetitive, and when we’re talking about a genre that thrives on playing the same 3 chords over and over again it’s saying something. I wouldn’t be so mad if this was labelled ‘alterno-Christian rock’ or something because I’d have a clear understanding of what I was about to listen to. This is like someone offering you a free burrito and then giving you nothing but a punch in the dick.

It’s my humble opinion that melodic and post-hardcore kind of have the monopoly on contrived bullshit, however I submit to you that After Change took all of the worst parts of those genres and baked them into something even more boring. Analogies aside, I’d say that if they sounded like anyone, it’d be like Alkaline Trio, but only in a world where Alkaline Trio sucked really bad* and instead of having Matt Skiba they had a plank of wood for a vocalist.

I literally hate this song. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic about it, but this is just terrible. Punk is meant to be fun – you can be the worst band in the world but if you’re fun no one gives a shit. This music isn’t fun – it’s arduous. Anyway, the guitars are weak as fuck, lacking any real quality or tone, anything that would make me think this was a rock song. Try hitting the strings a little harder, giving them some character for fucks sake. And the same goes for the drums, they’re the kind of tame bullshit that would give Terrance Fletcher an aneurysm.

Some of this has to fall on the audio engineer. Whoever was producing this monstrosity obviously wanted it to sound like the sonic equivalent of a feather falling onto a cushion. But then song, an enginner can only do so much. The songwriting is pretty fucking awful, and it’s fine if you want to write boring music for boring people, I won’t stop you – but if you call it punk you cross the fucking line. This song starts nowhere, it goes nowhere, and it finishes nowhere. There’s no crescendo, no juxtaposition between the mellow and the manic (or whatever you assholes want to call it). I can barely tell if the song has a chorus, it just kind of goes from one section of tedium to another.

The most impressive member of the band is the vocalist, he accurately captures the monotony and tedium of the song in his performance. He sounds about as passionate as Gordon Brown giving a speech on the history of plaid. I don’t know how he managed to sing the entire song without sounding like he gave one single, solitary fuck about whatever it is he is singing about. There is not even a single hint of emotion, this seems more just like the dude wanted to masturbate to his own voice and needed a recording for later use.

I don’t want to get into some argument about what is punk and what isn’t. If these assholes want to call themselves a punk band they are more than welcome to, but if they are punk, then they are the worst, most boring and contrived pile of shit punk band I’ve ever heard. Anyway, now that I’ve done my very best to crush your spirits, I hope that you can go out and make some more music. Go play shows, write songs and do what you like doing. I might hate your band, but who really gives a fuck?

Sm6jg6F

I’ll just leave this here…

*flatten your adverbs cunts.

Vocals – 2/10
Guitars: 3/10
Bass: 2/10
Drums: 3/10
Production: 1/10
Lyrics: 2/10
Songwriting: 1/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 2/10
Personal Enjoyment Factor:Stapling your nutsack to your penis/10

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Song: After Change – “All or Nothing”
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