Reviews

EP Review: Drown This City – ‘False Idols’

EP Review: Drown This City – ‘False Idols’

Band: Drown This City EP: False Idols Genre: Metalcore/Post-hardcore Date of Release: 3rd June, 2016 Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: Any metalcore band, but with a female singer. Drown This City, huh? Right, we’re going to have some words here, you and I. First of all, I want you to know that this is for your own good. I don’t take any perverse pleasure in tearing bands down or anything of the sort, but I feel that there are some things that need to be said. Yes, I do like to be the one that says them, this is true, but more often than not, I’m also the only person who will actually take the liberty of doing so anyway, so bear with me a little. Firstly, you don’t get any brownie points for self-producing your music. When it comes to the crunch, I don’t care if Fredrik Nordstrom, Joey Sturgis, Will Putney, or the Queen of fucking England has produced your EP; if it sounds good, it sounds good. Conversely, if you can actually hear the parts where vocals have been cut in, have to deal with an uncomfortable peaking the entire time, amongst other lesser complaints, it doesn’t matter in the slightest who has produced/mixed/mastered it because the end result will be the same. The listener is going to pick up on it, and it’s probably going to shit them to tears. It definitely annoyed me enough that I wasn’t keen on having to give the EP the amount of repeat listens required to review it properly. Secondly, I’m sure I speak for plenty of people... read more
Album Review: OSAKA PUNCH – Voodoo Love Machine

Album Review: OSAKA PUNCH – Voodoo Love Machine

Band: Osaka Punch Album: Voodoo Love Machine Genre: Progressive/funk/hoedown/pop/spaghetti western/jazz/rock/honkey-tonk fusion Date of Release: 30th May 2016 Location: Brisbane, Australia Reviewer: Matthew Byrne For Fans Of: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Incubus, Luis Bacalov, and Mr Bungle Track Listing: 01 ‘Theme to Voodoo Love Machine’ (1:22) 02 ‘Eat Red Carpet’ (5:17) 03 ‘Actibreeze’ (4:04) 04 ‘Funky Brother’ (3:20) 05 ‘Sex Panther’ (7:12) 06 ‘Battleworm (Escapes from Doom)’ (4:09) 07 ‘Dancetown Showdown’ (5:51) 08 ‘Muted Woot’ (3:54) 09 ‘Electric Jam on Boogie’ (4:54) 10 ‘Livin The Dream’ If you’re a local Australian music fan with a functioning set of ears, you’re no doubt familiar with Brisbane band Osaka Punch (formerly known as The Kidney Thieves). They’re best known for their eclectic playful blend of prog, funk, jazz, spaghetti western hoedown, metal, and just about any other genre you can think of. So, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably experiencing the following emotions at the thought of a new Osaka Punch album – happiness, joy, excitement, glee, exhilaration, elation, and almost definitely arousal. Bad news is, however, there’s no new Osaka Punch album, I’m sorry. If I may quote myself post-coitus, “I’m sorry for letting you down.” In fact, this review is for Voodoo Love Machine. “But Matt, Voodoo Love Machine came out in 2012! It’s been out for years, catch up.” “Well fuck my ass and call me Sally, Batman, good job! I didn’t know that thanks for blowing this case wide open gee whiz that explains why they call you the world’s greatest detective I just thought they were being sarcastic but it turns out I’ve been wrong all... read more
Album Review: Fever Daydream – The Black Queen

Album Review: Fever Daydream – The Black Queen

Artist: The Black Queen Album: Fever Daydream Genre: Electro-pop/Synthpop Date of Release: 29/01/2016 Location: Los Angeles Reviewer: Benjamin Muir For Fans Of: Dillinger Escape Plan, Blakq Audio, Side-Projects Track Listing: 1. ‘Now When I’m This’ (2:45) 2. ‘The Ice to Never’ (4:46) 3. ‘The End Where We Start’ (4:02) 4. ‘Secret Scream’ (3:21) 5. ‘Maybe We Should/Non-Consent’ (5:37) 6. ‘Distanced’ (4:55) 7. ‘Strange Quark’ (2:28) 8. ‘That Death Cannot Touch’ (3:50) 9. ‘Taman Shud’ (5:25) 10. ‘Apocalypse Morning’ (6:46) I have been sitting on this review for a very long time. Amidst university assignments for the semester and my own band, I have had very little time to review others. After weeks of strictly formatted essays, I was looking forward to being able to put forward a more-or-less stream of consciousness review while giving some new music a proper listen. A few months ago Chris asked me if I would review The Black Queen’s Fever Daydream. Being a fan of The Dillinger Escape Plan, I agreed happily. Let me preface by stating, I was really hoping that I would be able to fairly and objectively review this release without reference to Dillinger, to whom The Black Queen is more or less “the singer’s side project” (and fuck me, is it ever that), but I found myself singularly unable to do so in spite of my best efforts. By having noisy interesting stuff in the first few bars then not for the rest of the album, that first into is the equivalent of mathcore nerd coitus interruptus. It’s bullshit. With the feedback-based intro track, I had, if only for a... read more
Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final

Eurovision is now over for the year and we have just witnessed the beginning of World War III. Ukraine triumphed over Russia and prevented Australia’s Dami Im from beating the Europeans at their own game with Jamala’s original song ‘1944’, a ballad about World War II which was accused of being too political by Russia. If you can remember the whole Crimea situation from last year (and it’s still happening right now), you’ll know that nobody should fuck around with Putin and Mother Russia. Fortunately for you guys, Ilija and I woke up at three in the morning to watch the action of the Eurovision Grand Final unfold and review all of the songs for you so you didn’t have to load up on sugar and caffeine. 26th Place: ‘Ghost’ by Jamie-Lee (Germany) – 11 points Khaleesi: I thought this was going to rank higher because Eurovision was all about multiculturalism. I guess cultural appropriation doesn’t count. I liked the song – the eerie, Alice in Wonderland staging was cool, and Jamie’s vocals were solid throughout the performance, but I just couldn’t get over the fact she was dressed like every single young girl in China, Japan, and Korea. All I was thinking was ‘Papa Franku! Save us!’ Khaleesi’s Rating: 4.5/10 Ilija: >A FUCKING WEEB HOLY SHIT HAHA Germany following onto Sweden’s tradition and showcasing bullshit. It’s really annoying because I actually like this song a lot but what the fuck is up with the whole ‘Senpai call me Obama’ image? What a cock-up. Ilija’s Rating: 4/10 25th Place: ‘I Stand’ by Gabriela Guncikova (Czech Republic) – 41 points... read more
Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 2 Non-Qualifiers

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 2 Non-Qualifiers

I have good news and bad news. The good news: we now know which 26 countries will be competing in the Grand Final. The bad news: I’m here to review those that didn’t qualify once again. If you didn’t catch my review of the countries which didn’t progress from the first semi-final, check out Part 1 of my Eurovision trilogy. Now, onto the losers of Semi-Final 2. Before I get started, I would like to address a little incident involving the second semi-final. Initially, there was supposed to be 19 countries competing, However, during the preparations and press tours Romania was disqualified from the competition. Romanian public broadcaster Televiziunea Romana failed to pay back the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) 16 million Swiss Francs before April 20 (blaze it), so the EBU went ahead and said Romania was ‘no longer entitled’ to compete in the Eurovision Song Contest and had other EBU member services taken away. If you’re like me and feel sorry for the artist for putting in so much work all for it to go to waste because of people in suits not getting their shit together, here is what you would have seen from Romania if they weren’t disqualified: this year’s obligatory power-ballad. ‘The Last of Our Kind’ by Rykka (Switzerland) It definitely seemed as though Switzerland wanted to recreate their win from 1988. They had a Canadian performer and the song had an 80’s pop ballad vibe to it, but it really didn’t work in their favour. Rykka’s vocals were quite cringeworthy, particularly in the final minute when she could hardly hit the high notes and... read more
Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 1 Non-Qualifiers

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 1 Non-Qualifiers

Well ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of the year again, where the world gets to witness the weird and wonderful contest that is Eurovision. If you don’t know what Eurovision is, it is a song contest dragged out over a week in order for Europe to hit pause on everything that is happening over there (Azerbaijan and Armenia still fighting over land, refugees taking over Europe, Greece’s economic crisis … the list goes on). Fortunately for us, however, the Eurovision Song Contest has provided us legendary acts such as ABBA, Celine Dion (yes, she is Canadian but she represented Switzerland in the 80s), Conchita Wurst (the world’s most famous drag queen aside from RuPaul), and Lordi (the Finnish version of Gwar). This is the first of a trilogy for I Probably Hate Your Band, and since I have a mixture of European blood in me and cheesy pop songs are my jam, I feel like I have some authority to represent IPHYB for Eurovision. I, Khaleesi, will be looking at the non-qualifiers of each semi-final before I team up with Ilija Stajic (yes, the kebab remover himself) to review the grand final performances. ‘Sing It Away’ by Sandhja (Finland) Being the first performance in the Eurovision Song Contest is never a good thing. Not only do you have to make sure you put on a damn good performance so people remember you, you also essentially have to set the tone for the night. Sandhja didn’t do a terrible job of getting the crowd somewhat pumped up with an upbeat song, moving around the stage and dancing with the... read more
Album Review: How’s My EP? – Japam

Album Review: How’s My EP? – Japam

Band: Japam Album: How’s My EP? Genre: Hard rock Date of release: 13/05/16 Location: Adelaide, Australia Reviewer: Matthew Byrne For Fans Of: The colour beige, 24°C weather, crackers without dip I have to say, I’m a little out of my depth with this one. I’m not generally one to listen to this style of music so I apologise to anyone hoping for insightful comparisons between bands or in-depth knowledge about the genre. But I agreed to review How’s My EP? by Japam because I was promised by the corporate lizard overlords who run I Probably Hate Your Band that in return I would be able to go outside and see the sun for 10 minutes. A WHOLE 10 MINUTES! Japam is a 5-piece hard rock group from the slums of where the government dumps our nation’s non-recyclable trash: Adelaide. They boast their ability to combine the technical grooves of djent with the melodic stylings of 90’s rock and pop. Sounds pretty good, right? Wrong. To me, Japam sounds like if The Butterfly Effect and Karnivool had a bastard love child who grew up to earn an average wage working for the ATO, comes home to his empty house that he’s barely covering mortgage payments on because his wife (who, let’s be honest, was pushing a 6 on a good day with the right lighting) left him and drives an early 90’s station wagon which makes an odd ticking noise that’s just enough for you to go, “Hmm, that doesn’t sound right”, but not enough for you to actually go and fix it. I really have no strong feelings either... read more
Song Review: Ziptie – ‘Hipster Blues’

Song Review: Ziptie – ‘Hipster Blues’

Band: Ziptie Song: ‘Hipster Blues’ Genre: Rock/hard rock Date of Release: 05/04/16 Location: Los Angeles Reviewer: Dylan Cameron For Fans Of: Losing £500 First and foremost, I must apologise to Ziptie for the unforgivable tardiness of which this review has arrived. I uphold myself to a high level of professionalism and reliability, and to prolong this opinion which you so desperately desire, has more than likely secured me a place upon your scale of your disgust somewhere between Hitler and any music made outside Texas. For this, an explanation is due. As my cursor approached the email supplied to me by our chief officer, I noticed, to my disgust, that the track was named ‘Hipster Blues’, and before the first beat from your poorly produced drums molested my eardrums, my eyes were already sending signals to my otherwise perfect brain, activating layer upon layer of untameable rage. Which did I hate more? The thought of hipsters playing blues? Or hipsters playing blues who then have the audacity to describe said actions in the title, like some form of group masturbation, forced upon all to witness? After my first “experience” of your “music”, my body had quite an unpleasant sequence of spasms. My stomach churned, my face contorted, and my tongue uttered three simple words – “please, not again”. But, as much as the thought of revisiting such bland, insipid, gewgaw God awfulness haunted me, I knew I must, because in the bottom of which little remains of my crusty cold heart, I decided to give you a second chance. Whilst gawking upon what is quiet possibly the laziest band... read more
Album Review: Haken – Affinity

Album Review: Haken – Affinity

Band: HAKEN Album: Affinity Genre: Progressive metal/Progressive rock Date of Release: 29th April 2016 Location: London, England Reviewer: Matthew Byrne For Fans Of: Dream Theater, Leprous, Casio Keyboards Track Listing: 1. ‘affinity.exe’ (1:24) 2. ‘Initiate’ (4:16) 3. ‘1985’ (9:09) 4. ‘Lapse’ (4:44) 5. ‘The Architect’ (15:40) 6. ‘Earthrise’ (4:48) 7. ‘Red Giant’ (6:06) 8. ‘The Endless Knot’ (5:50) 9. ‘Bound By Gravity’ (9:29) What was it about the 80’s which causes so many of us to reflect upon it so fondly? Was it the shoulder pads? Michael Jackson? Pac Man? Or, perhaps, was it simply the sheer beauty that was Ronald Reagan’s hair? Whether it’s masked crusaders from outer space saving the world with keytar in hand (a.k.a. Tupper Ware Remix Party) or a leather jacket clad kung-fu cop travelling backing in time to kill Adolf Hitler, there’s no denying that, for some reason, people fucking love the 1980’s. Or they don’t. Whatever. So, imagine my surprise when I discovered that the fourth album from British prog-metallers, Haken, would have some 80’s flavor to it. I mean, it’s somewhat of a logical step to take after their previous album’s (The Mountain) 70’s prog-inspired sound, but what initially crossed my mind was that time that guy made an 8-bit version of Tesseract’s Altered State. Fear not though, this isn’t an elaborate prank by Haken to release a chiptune album. Entitled Affinity, the album’s 1980’s influences are tasteful rather than in your face and wanting attention. The album opens with ‘affinity.exe’, which serves more of an abient/electronic lead into the album’s first real song and single, ‘Initiate’. When this song was... read more
Song Review: Apate – ‘Hangman’

Song Review: Apate – ‘Hangman’

Band: APATE Song: Hangman Genre: Beatdown, swornincore Date of Release: April 13th, 2016 Location: Queensland Reviewer: Anita Mandelay For Fans Of: Sworn In, chocolate cake This Saturday, I Probably Hate Your Band are teaming up with The Brightside for our first official event, I PROBABLY HATE YOUR FEST. There’s a bunch of bands playing, some cool drink specials, merch giveaways and other general tomfoolery, so if you’re in Brisbane on April 30 then make sure to come down and party with us. The lineup consists of Aversions Crown, The Name Of A Ghost, In Ashes We Lie, Absolution and Apate. It will be dank AF no doubt, but to get you flogs in the mood we thought we would review Apate’s new track, Hangman. Let it be known that there’s been a right kerfuffle every time we reviewed an Apate song. Most recently we absolutely shredded their song Purgatory, giving it an outstanding overall IPHYB rating of 1.5/10. The time before that, we made fun of the singer’s pretty hat and the world lost its mind. Salty fans labelled IPHYB as vicious contrarian hat-haters (only half true), and the literally tens of Apate fans took to social media and flooded our inbox with at least three messages. RELATED: Song Review: APATE – ‘Stick Tight’ Song Review: APATE – ‘Lions’ Song Review: APATE – ‘Purgatory’ So, of course you would think that this time around, considering they’re playing at an event sponsored by us and the deliciously salted individuals last time, we would give them a good review. WRONG, you dummy. I’m not saying that the song is actually bad,... read more

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