Pedestrian.TV Exposes Gender Inequality In Unify: The Gathering

Pedestrian.TV Exposes Gender Inequality In Unify: The Gathering
As we reported earlier today, Unify: A Heavy Music Gathering announced the official lineup for the 2017 event, due to be held in Tarwin Meadows, Gippsland in January. The god-tier lineup features Alexisonfire, Violent Soho, Northlane, Letlive, Ocean Grove and Counterparts, just to name a few, and the overwhelming majority of punters every understandly delighted with the news.

However, very regressive progressive arts and culture rag Pedestrian.tv has highlighted a tragic injustice with the Unify: The Gathering lineup, slamming the festival for being a complete “sausage fest” – with only two female human women included in the entire lineup of 26 bands.

”Those 26 bands consist of, in total, 119 band members who will be gracing the stage across the course of the festival. Of those 119 musicians, 117 are male. Only 2 are female. Two bands out of twenty-six in total – Saviour from Perth, and Drown This City from Melbourne – feature women. That is, not to be too blunt about things, not a great look. Sure, it’s a reflection on heavy music in general, which historically suffers from a penis-heavy presence. But without the support and promotion of female artists by huge, visible festivals like this one, it’s a thing that’s simply never going to bloody change with any great meaning”….”But regardless, a performer’s ratio of 117:2? Unify could do better. Much, much better.”
We’re extremely lucky to have very regressive progressive publications such as Pedestrian.tv to focus on the really important issues of today. As the author elegantly states, it comes down to an issue of penis. Or, in this case – penisia (the collective noun for penis). There’s too many. We need to focus intently on the number of dicks included in the lineup, and in my opinion, the entire festival. I’m not entirely sure how this would work, perhaps we would have registered genitalia inspectors at the entrances of Unify to record how many doodles are flooding through the gates. Or, they could hand out survey cards for patrons to fill in and drop into a box on their way out. Whatever the case, it’s important that we focus on the gender of the people involved in Unify: The Gathering, because that’s what really matters.

The author demonstrates how Unify is yet another example of the patriarchy at work. Hell, I’d bet that even the tradesmen are men. But Pedestrian did fail to pick up on one very important detail – not only are there way too many penisia, they’re mostly (if not all) cisgendered, white penisia at that.

Unify: The Gathering must engage in affirmative action immediately. As the author says, they can do “much, much better”, so we should see at least see an effort from the festival organisers to include a bit more diversity in 2018. Think of all the talented, high level metalcore and hardcore bands with female members that fans are missing out on every year. Go on, just think. Of all the bands. The countless high-level, successful metalcore and hardcore bands with female members. So many.

The most important thing to learn from Pedestrian’s insightful article is that in order to make real progress with gender diversity, it’s imperative we reduce everything down to an issue of identity politics. To truly form a cohesive society, we need to constantly remind people of their arbitrary characteristics and divide them accordingly. Meritocracy is an instrument of the patriarchy, and we should choose a festival lineup based on genitalia, not talent. If you disagree then you’re probably some cisgendered neckbeard scum who spends all his time in his mother’s basement eating Doritos and drinking Mother, while your mother yells at you for drinking too much Mother (p.s you shouldn’t drink that shit anyway, it’ll rot your teeth, fam).

I’ll be immediately starting a petition to rename Unify: The Gathering to “Patriarchy: The Gathering”, so be sure to keep an eye out for when that one goes live.

Death to meritocracy and excessive penisia.

Pedestrian.TV Exposes Gender Inequality In Unify: The Gathering
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  • Looney

    Totally agree, Monster is a shit drink

  • Looney

    Totally agree, Monster is a shit drink