Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final

Eurovision is now over for the year and we have just witnessed the beginning of World War III. Ukraine triumphed over Russia and prevented Australia’s Dami Im from beating the Europeans at their own game with Jamala’s original song ‘1944’, a ballad about World War II which was accused of being too political by Russia. If you can remember the whole Crimea situation from last year (and it’s still happening right now), you’ll know that nobody should fuck around with Putin and Mother Russia. Fortunately for you guys, Ilija and I woke up at three in the morning to watch the action of the Eurovision Grand Final unfold and review all of the songs for you so you didn’t have to load up on sugar and caffeine. 26th Place: ‘Ghost’ by Jamie-Lee (Germany) – 11 points Khaleesi: I thought this was going to rank higher because Eurovision was all about multiculturalism. I guess cultural appropriation doesn’t count. I liked the song – the eerie, Alice in Wonderland staging was cool, and Jamie’s vocals were solid throughout the performance, but I just couldn’t get over the fact she was dressed like every single young girl in China, Japan, and Korea. All I was thinking was ‘Papa Franku! Save us!’ Khaleesi’s Rating: 4.5/10 Ilija: >A FUCKING WEEB HOLY SHIT HAHA Germany following onto Sweden’s tradition and showcasing bullshit. It’s really annoying because I actually like this song a lot but what the fuck is up with the whole ‘Senpai call me Obama’ image? What a cock-up. Ilija’s Rating: 4/10 25th Place: ‘I Stand’ by Gabriela Guncikova (Czech Republic) – 41 points...
Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 2 Non-Qualifiers

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 2 Non-Qualifiers

I have good news and bad news. The good news: we now know which 26 countries will be competing in the Grand Final. The bad news: I’m here to review those that didn’t qualify once again. If you didn’t catch my review of the countries which didn’t progress from the first semi-final, check out Part 1 of my Eurovision trilogy. Now, onto the losers of Semi-Final 2. Before I get started, I would like to address a little incident involving the second semi-final. Initially, there was supposed to be 19 countries competing, However, during the preparations and press tours Romania was disqualified from the competition. Romanian public broadcaster Televiziunea Romana failed to pay back the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) 16 million Swiss Francs before April 20 (blaze it), so the EBU went ahead and said Romania was ‘no longer entitled’ to compete in the Eurovision Song Contest and had other EBU member services taken away. If you’re like me and feel sorry for the artist for putting in so much work all for it to go to waste because of people in suits not getting their shit together, here is what you would have seen from Romania if they weren’t disqualified: this year’s obligatory power-ballad. ‘The Last of Our Kind’ by Rykka (Switzerland) It definitely seemed as though Switzerland wanted to recreate their win from 1988. They had a Canadian performer and the song had an 80’s pop ballad vibe to it, but it really didn’t work in their favour. Rykka’s vocals were quite cringeworthy, particularly in the final minute when she could hardly hit the high notes and...
Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 1 Non-Qualifiers

Live Review: 2016 Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 1 Non-Qualifiers

Well ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of the year again, where the world gets to witness the weird and wonderful contest that is Eurovision. If you don’t know what Eurovision is, it is a song contest dragged out over a week in order for Europe to hit pause on everything that is happening over there (Azerbaijan and Armenia still fighting over land, refugees taking over Europe, Greece’s economic crisis … the list goes on). Fortunately for us, however, the Eurovision Song Contest has provided us legendary acts such as ABBA, Celine Dion (yes, she is Canadian but she represented Switzerland in the 80s), Conchita Wurst (the world’s most famous drag queen aside from RuPaul), and Lordi (the Finnish version of Gwar). This is the first of a trilogy for I Probably Hate Your Band, and since I have a mixture of European blood in me and cheesy pop songs are my jam, I feel like I have some authority to represent IPHYB for Eurovision. I, Khaleesi, will be looking at the non-qualifiers of each semi-final before I team up with Ilija Stajic (yes, the kebab remover himself) to review the grand final performances. ‘Sing It Away’ by Sandhja (Finland) Being the first performance in the Eurovision Song Contest is never a good thing. Not only do you have to make sure you put on a damn good performance so people remember you, you also essentially have to set the tone for the night. Sandhja didn’t do a terrible job of getting the crowd somewhat pumped up with an upbeat song, moving around the stage and dancing with the...