Album Review: Twelve Foot Ninja – ‘Outlier’

Album Review: Twelve Foot Ninja – ‘Outlier’

Band: Twelve Foot Ninja Album: Outlier Genre: Heavy Fusion Date of Release: 26th August, 2016 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: Faith No More, Mr Bungle, Meshuggah, Periphery Track Listing: 1. One Hand Killing 4:29 2. Sick 3:37 3. Invincible 3:43 4. Oxygen 4:24 5. Collateral 4:04 6. Post Mortem 3:38 7. Point of You 3:35 8. Monsoon 3:18 9. Adios 4:01 10. Dig For Bones 4:01 Does everyone remember that episode of The Simpsons where Bart’s evil twin stitches the pigeon and the rat together to create a ‘pigeonrat’? Of course you do. Well, Twelve Foot Ninja have very much been guilty of doing that with their music in the past. Silent Machine is a pretty enjoyable record, but the overriding vibe was basically ‘here’s a heavy part, and now here’s the obligatory funk/reggae/whatever part, because that’s our thing that we do, aaaaaand now back to heavy again’. Basically, there is a lot of golden moments, but there is also a bunch of times when the change is so jarring, you question whether the change was actually necessary, or whether it was just a case of we haven’t had a reggae bit in this song yet. It’s a bit ironic, in that a device designed to stave off predictability, becomes predictable in of itself by virtue of necessity. Outlier, however, seems to have ditched this penchant for haphazardly affixing one style to another and hoping for the best, in favour of a more considered approach to truly fusing their various stylistic deviations. We kick off with the debut single, ‘One Hand Killing’, which is actually...
Album Review: Ceres – ‘Drag It Down On You’

Album Review: Ceres – ‘Drag It Down On You’

Band: Ceres Album: Drag It Down On You Genre: Emo/pop-rock Date of Release: 2nd September, 2016 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: Turnover, Basement, Bloc Party Track Listing: 1. Okay 1:49 2. Happy In Your Head 3:52 3. Roll Ur Eyes 2:59 4. ’91 Your House 3:46 5. Laundry Echo 2:26 6. Spinning Wheel 3:41 7. Loner Blood 1:42 8. Choke 4:30 9. Talking 3:05 10. Us 1:26 11. Nothing On Your Shoulders 3:19 12. Loaf 3:13 13. Del 3:20 14. Baby’s Breath 3:47 There’s something to be said for honesty. For instance, if I said ‘I thought I’d hate this record’, that would be honest. If I said ‘the singer’s moustache looks like he waxed it off a ’70s porn star’s cock, and then slapped the wax strip straight above his top lip’, that would also be honest. Honesty is good, and so is this album. Funny thing about honesty, it doesn’t always equate to quality. I’ve just spent a lengthy amount of time arguing with people about King 810, and the main thing I got from them was ‘but they are honest, and that makes them better than x band’. No. No, it doesn’t. Just because a band, or vocalist, or poet, or writer, can relate what they are writing directly back to their own life experiences, does not mean that their product is inherently good. Leaving aside the whole subjectivity argument for just a second, the point is that, whilst honesty is a great trait to have, if it isn’t allied to interesting, engaging execution, it probably isn’t worth shit. In the case...
Album Review: The Dali Thundering Concept – When X Met Y

Album Review: The Dali Thundering Concept – When X Met Y

Band: The Dali Thundering Concept Album: When X Met Y Location: Paris Release Date: 2016 Genre: Progressive metal, djent, mathcore Reviewer: Samuel Worsfold For Fans Of: The Dillinger Escape Plan, Veil of Maya, bands with more guitar strings then they really need I’ve probably pissed you off already by describing this band as “djent”, so if that did annoy you, I have quite a few more jokes lined up for this review so try not to cry too hard if and when I offend you. I first heard The Dali Thundering Concept back in 2014, when their glorious full-length Eyes Wide Opium first dropped and drove me headfirst into a wall of ambience and more “0-0-0-0-1-1-1-0-0’s” than I could shake a stick at. All jokes aside though, as this album was phenomenal to me (and without sounding as pretentious as the lyrics for ‘Astral Body’ by Between the Buried And Me), it took me on a journey. If you haven’t already checked out Eyes Wide Opium, do it NOW, and then go into hibernation for a couple of months to listen to it on repeat then come back to reading this review. Okay, so you liked it? If the answer was no then shhh, because you should read this review anyway of their remastered EP titled When X Met Y. So this EP came before the marvellous Eyes Wide Opium, but has since been remastered from its 2012 release, and even has a new bonus track which was recorded recently featuring a vast array of guest vocalists. This EP is actually quite different to the full-length, it sounds as...
Song Review: Metallica – ‘Hardwired’

Song Review: Metallica – ‘Hardwired’

Band: Metallica Song: Hardwired Genre: Metal \m/ Date of Release: 18th August, 2016 Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: Other Metallica songs, Kill ‘Em All era Ahhh, yes. New Metallica time is always fun. The internet is a fantastic place to be, at this time of year. Right now, as I type this self indulgent wank out on my shitty laptop, people with less musical talent than James Hetfield has in one of his grey pubes are arguing about whether this is a glorious return to form, or just the latest in a long list of disappointments post-Justice. So, with that in mind, I’m going to add to the pile, and you’re going to sit there and read every word I have to say, like the good little pleb you are. Damn straight. So I’ll start off by saying that this song is evidence of several things. The first thing that it is undeniable, irrefutable proof of, is that Kirk Hammett needs to quit. He has had a well publicised battle with arthritis, and it really shows. St. Anger had no solos, and somehow, that was still preferable to Death Magnetic‘s pathetic offering of wah-laden, standard pentatonic abuse. I don’t know how someone goes from writing, say, the ‘Call of Ktulu’, or ‘Unforgiven’, or ‘Master of Puppets’ solos, to peddling out an increasingly bland palette of utter shit, but I wish he would fuck off already. This actually hurts, considering I hero worshipped the curly-headed fuck when I was a kid. Now, it seems like he is rocking up into the studio, and recording his solos with a dildo....
Album Review: Storm The Sky – ‘Sin Will Find You’

Album Review: Storm The Sky – ‘Sin Will Find You’

Band: Storm The Sky Album: Sin Will Find You Genre: Alternative, post-hardcore Date of Release:5th August, 2016 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: letlive, Issues, anonymous fucking Track Listing: 1. Second Best 3:08 2. Jaded Ghost 3:26 3. Carcinova 4:42 4. Medicine 4:23 5. Wake Up Sleeping 4:39 6. In Vein 4:05 7. Lilac 4:18 8. S.W.F.Y 3:31 9. Disappointed 3:14 10. Burning 6:21 Storm the Sky are back. They are now minus a pointless vocalist, but they are back, just the same. This album shows a marked divergence from their previous incarnation as a stock-standard post-hardcore band, and honestly, they are much the better for it. They have capitalised on the single best thing they have going for them – Will’s exceptional voice – and more or less jettisoned the detritus. However, this comes with a little bit of a caveat. The lyrics. Holy shit, seriously. I was actually really tempted to ditch reviewing this album, and just do a ’10 worst lyrics from Sin Will Find You‘ article, but I managed to restrain myself. Just. ‘Does it hold you back the way it breaks me that my baby is better than everything?’, for instance. Fucking hell. The whole album is full of super similar imagery, as if he ran out of metaphors two songs in. Hearts cold as ice, people fucking bed posts because the other person may as well not be there, bulk amounts of super edgy drug references, and an overarching theme of ‘I’m a piece of shit, but that’s pretty much all you deserve’ kind of gets old real quick. But...
Album Review: The Amity Affliction – This Could Be Heartbreak

Album Review: The Amity Affliction – This Could Be Heartbreak

Band: The Amity Affliction Album: This Could Be Heartbreak Genre: Post-hard-bore/metalcore Date of Release: 12th August, 2016 Reviewer: Chris Giacca For Fans Of: Listening to the exact same thing ad infinitum Hey kids! Today, I thought I’d have some fun and try out a concept I’ve been sitting on for a while, waiting for the exact right moment to bring it to fruition. In this review, I’m going to make a called shot. I’m going to review this new Amity Affliction album before actually listening to it. That’s right, don’t adjust your filth-encrusted screens, you read 100% correctly. I am so supremely confident that this album will be every bit as generic, formulaic, and terminally forgettable, that I am going to write the entire review, titles omitted of course, and then if any amendments are required, I will notate them at the bottom of the review. Sound like fun? No? Well get fucked, because I’m doing it anyway! Now, before I really get started, I just want to address something briefly. The Amity Affliction deal with criticism both terribly, and publicly. Both Joel and Ahren – read: the only two members anyone gives a shit about – have a history of totally pissing their giant knickers on Twitter, and it’s always funny. They typically accuse people of Tall Poppy Syndrome, which is hilarious. Newsflash: sometimes, people have valid points, and it doesn’t relate to how famous you are. Sometimes, when people say that all your songs sound the same, they are just telling the truth. Sometimes, it’s not so much Tall Poppy Syndrome, as it is I Listened To...