Song Review: Siamese – ‘Ablaze’

Song Review: Siamese – ‘Ablaze’

Band: Siamese Song: ‘Ablaze’ Genre: Alternative rock, pop rock Date of Release: March 3, 2016 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Reviewer: Sam For Fans Of: If Michael Jackson fucked the Foo Fighters (which would never happen since the Foo Fighters are adults) I’ve made no secret of my love for Siamese’s self-titled album. Will my pre-existing feelings sway my review for their latest single? Probably not, since I’m a professional and all that. However, the music video does incorporate copious amounts of cleavage, which certainly does help its case. Entitled ‘Ablaze’, the first single off of Siamese’s latest effort is representative of Envy, one of the seven deadly sins. The next single will be about Greed; I believe it was supposed to be the song about Sloth, but they never got around to recording it. Don’t let the ominous intro fool you into thinking this is a heavier song than it actually is, but it’s certainly the darkest material Siamese has put out. It’s much more like their material from two albums ago, when they were still called Siamese Fighting Fish. The fast-paced, happy-go-lucky sensibilities of the last record are noticeably absent. However, this tonal shift is not a bad thing at all. Rather than the clean funk guitars Siamese fans are used to, this song is primarily driven forward by the bass line and some delicate electronic work. Their trademark violin is still present, but showcased much lower in the mix. When the guitars kick in, well, let’s say that chugging distorted chords is not the Siamese way, but it’s what you get here. If it weren’t for the violin,...
Album Review: 3 Doors Down – “Us and the Night”

Album Review: 3 Doors Down – “Us and the Night”

Band: 3 Doors Down Album: Us and the Night Location: Cousinfuck, Mississippi Release Date: March 11, 2016 Genre: Dad rock, post-grunge, alternative rock Reviewer: Sam For Fans Of: Nickelback, Hinder, Seether, Self-immolation, Sadness and pain. Track Listing: 1. The Broken – 2:47 2. In the Dark – 3:44 3. Still Alive – 2:42 4. Believe It – 3:22 5. Living In Your Hell – 3:48 6. Inside of Me – 3:46 7. I Don’t Wanna Know – 3:25 8. Pieces of Me – 3:38 9. Love Is a Lie – 2:47 10. Us and the Night – 4:00 11. Fell From the Moon – 3:56 Hey fans of IPHYB (haters?), it’s your resident dad rock expert here, ready to shit on what you hate because other people love it. Today’s inbox included the latest offerings from 3 Doors Down, a band who started the millennium with a bunch of bangers (don’t you dare deny that ‘Kryptonite’ isn’t an amazing song) but has cooled down in recent years. Let’s see if they’re recovered any of their mojo. The start of the album, ‘The Broken’, immediately had me thinking, “what the fuck is this?” Why are there electronics in a 3 Doors Down song? There’d better be a perfectly good explanation for this. If this song was performed in a different manner, say, like old 3 Doors Down, this would be a good. But seriously, what? It’s a style shock at the very least. At least it’s fairly catchy, though. IPHYB has reviewed ‘In the Dark’ before, and the writer who did so wasn’t overly fond of it. True, maybe it...
Triggered Students Assault METALLICA, Prove Activism Is Dead

Triggered Students Assault METALLICA, Prove Activism Is Dead

I swear to the Jesus I don’t believe in, can college students go just one day without ruining things for the rest of us? University of California Berkeley recently hosted an event featuring Metallica members Lars Ulrich and James Hetfield, Primus frontman and man who auditioned for Metallica Les Claypool, billionaire entrepreneur and philanthropist Marc Benioff, and some other people no one cares about. The talk, entitled ‘Front Row’, was meant for the panelists to discuss their individual creative processes and why the Bay Area is so conducive to said creativity. Unfortunately, good intentions were marred by misguided “activism” in a display that is becoming all too common on college campuses across America. Before I tell you what happened, allow me to clarify the United States’ stance on free speech, something that protestors often twist and take for granted. Yes, the First Amendment to the United States Constitution grants freedom of speech without repercussion. This means that the government cannot prosecute you for the words you say (with the notable exception of threats and things). However, the government maintains every right to prosecute you for how or when you say those words. If you are violent, disruptive, or disobeying the direct orders of a law enforcement official, you can shout “But mah freedums!” all you want; you’re still breaking the law. Now, onto the event itself. On March 2nd (the news broke on March 18th), UC Berkeley students rushed the stage at the ‘Front Row’ event. These students belonged to a group on campus called the Student Labor Committee, or SLC, who have a history of interrupting events. These...
Ted Cruz Confirmed to be STRYPER Singer

Ted Cruz Confirmed to be STRYPER Singer

Over the years, US presidential candidate Ted Cruz has been accused of being many things: antisocial, Canadian, the Zodiac Killer, and so on. It comes with the territory. However, a shocking accusation has come to light that Cruz may not be able to deny: that he is secretly Michael Sweet, lead singer of the Christian hair metal band Stryper. Of course, we at IPHYB (well, specifically me) have satirically compared politicians and musicians in the past, but this theory is picking up steam across America. In fact, this comparison could be devastating for his campaign. After all, I’d rather be accused of being the Zodiac Killer than being in Stryper. American author Michael Boulerice first proposed the theory on March 11th, garnering 13,000 Facebook likes, 35,000 Facebook shares, and the approval of this author. It has since spread across the Internet, even trending on social media. It’s an unfortunate break for Boulerice, though, that this theory is far more popular than any of his books. Let’s break this theory down from a fundamental standpoint. Ted Cruz is 45 years old and was born in Calgary, Canada (which makes him technically ineligible to be president, but fine print, schmine print). Michael Sweet is 52 years old and was born in Orange County, California. Ted Cruz is 5’8″, Michael Sweet is 6’1″. Both have dark hair, although one set of locks is noticeably more luscious than the other. Both are devout Christians. The biggest difference, though, is their taste in music. It’s pretty clear that Sweet has a love for making “metal” (and shaping said metal into plowshares, not swords- that’s...
Song Review: Filter – ‘Mother E’

Song Review: Filter – ‘Mother E’

Band: Filter Song: ‘Mother E’ Genre: Industrial Date of Release: February 25, 2016 (full album out April 8th) Location: Cleveland, Ohio, USA Reviewer: Sam For Fans Of: Nine Inch Nails, Combichrist, Skinny Puppy The rapidly greying Richard Patrick is back, and he’s back to doing what he does best: making good music that always just misses the mark of being great. Don’t get me wrong; I love Filter. I grew up listening to Short Bus and Title of Record. Their last effort, The Sun Comes Out Tonight, didn’t disappoint either. The first single off of this new album, ‘Take Me to Heaven’, was solid Filter fare. But ‘Mother E’, on the other hand … there’s just something off about it. I can’t quite but my finger on it, but I’m a music journalist, so it’d be a good idea to try. First of all, if Richard Patrick weren’t behind the mic here, you’d be hard pressed to tell this is a Filter track. Vocals aside, this is basically a Combichrist track. In fact, I’m pretty sure they use the same plugin that forms the backbone of Combichrist’s ‘Never Surrender’. This might be the darkest, grittiest song the band’s ever put out. In fact, it’s really, really heavy, perhaps the heaviest song I’ve ever heard that doesn’t utilize a guitar. If it weren’t for the pulsating 4/4 rhythm, I would’ve called it depressing. There are very few actual notes at all; the majority of the composition is monotonous sweeps of pitch (monotonous in that there’s one note, not that it’s boring) and electronic sounds that have no notational value. The...