CJ McMAHON Rejoins THY ART IS MURDER, Band Insists Things Will Be Different This Time

CJ McMAHON Rejoins THY ART IS MURDER, Band Insists Things Will Be Different This Time

In a shocking turn of events no one but their best friends saw coming, CJ McMahon is yet again the vocalist for Sydney deathcore group, Thy Art Is Murder. Apparently finding a way to live like this again, CJ boldly strode on stage with the group at 2017’s UNIFY festival clearing wearing clothes someone else had presumably stumped up for, demonstrating that everyone deserves a second chance and that dreams can come true. Twice. Initial reports from snot-nosed brats tweeting from directly in the pit suggest the show was electrifying and powerful, like make-up sex. In this day and age, it’s a remarkable achievement that this unveiling stayed such a well-kept secret, despite the fact the signs were all there, and all anyone had to do was talk about it, just bring it out in the open. Without letting his other band members talk to the press or fans, or make eye contact with other vocalists, CJ’s return has all the inspirational hallmarks of both a sportsmanlike come-back and that awkward, whispered argument you see at shopping centres sometimes. By all accounts the band are happy to have him back in the fold and be settled back into a routine, and no everything’s fine, really, he just gets like that sometimes but honestly I think he’s learned a lot and he’s going to try much harder to be attentive and to really listen this time. He’s working now too and that’s really good for him. No official statement or disheartened sigh has been issued from the Thy Art camp, and at this stage there is only speculation about what...
10 Shit Songs That Are Shit

10 Shit Songs That Are Shit

G’day, cunnos. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these articles, so I figured it was time to sharpen my cleats and do some good, ol’ fashioned band-stomping. This list is comprised of 10 songs that are either straight up shit, or so boring that they may as well be. Links are provided in the titles, so click on the song title to listen. Do so at your own risk, obviously, and don’t say you weren’t warned. Enjoy! 1. Kings Hollow – Herald You know that things aren’t going to be pretty when the simple lead phrase intro is poorly tracked. Oh boy, what a stinker this is. Everyone remember It Dies Today? Remember how shit their screamer was? I’m willing to bet these guys do, because as soon as homeslice opens his mouth, you’ll probably instantly think of him, just like I did. Unlike IDT though, the music doesn’t make up for it in any way, shape or form. Next. 2. Valeria Warntz – I Don’t Love You Anymore Holy shit, I fucking love broken English. Aside from this song being extremely boring, and the vocals sounding ever so slightly sharp for the whole first verse, and just being pretty fuckin’ average in general, the lyrics just put the icing on the poorly-made, inaccurately pronounced cake. ‘Why do you lie? It is so meanly. It turned out that you have just played a wicked game. You can’t deny, you’d never loved me. So why did you spent time with me,what was your aim?’ ‘But your actions just showed me reverse And I felt the pain in...
CHERRY BAR Poo Their Knickers Over Bad AIRBOURNE Review, Hilarity Ensues

CHERRY BAR Poo Their Knickers Over Bad AIRBOURNE Review, Hilarity Ensues

Melbourne venue Cherry Bar‘s Facebook page has a reputation amongst us cynical folk who enjoy a good yuk at other’s expense as a goldmine for cringeworthy, overly salty posts. Alas, they well and truly lived up to the reputation yesterday when they posted a passionate defence — which we have provided in all its unedited glory — of their beloved locals-made-good-rockers Airbourne, who received a scathing 1.5/5 star review from Beat magazine contributor Nathan Quattrucci: I was extremely disappointed to see that Beat magazine contributor Nathan Quattrucci has given the new Airbourne album ‘Breakin’ Outta Hell’ a scathing 1.5 star review. You idiot. Airbourne, originally from Warnambool but now Melbourne lads through and through, are currently the very best exponents of Aussie Pub Rock. A genre that sadly gets more respect overseas than it does at home. As evidenced by Nathan’s smart-arse review. Airbourne tour Europe to huge Full Houses and headline some of their biggest festivals, such as Wacken Open Air where the band have played to over 70 000 adoring rock fans. And its uninformed reviews such as this one from Nathan IN THEIR HOME TOWN that are exactly responsible for their Booking Agent and Manager having the attitude of: “why bother touring and investing in Australia when it’s the only place on earth where we are given no respect??!!” The exact same thing happened to AC/DC when they started out. Nathan’s criticism of the new album is that it all sounds the same. So what? If you’re onto a good thing, stick to it! Let me remind you of one of my favourite Angus Young quotes...
ARIA Charts Now Include Bandcamp Sales

ARIA Charts Now Include Bandcamp Sales

As of roughly three weeks ago, Bandcamp sales have been included in ARIA chart calculations. According to Bandcamp curator, Andrew Jervis, “ARIA now do actually count sales. They haven’t made the official announcement, but they started as of about three weeks ago,” Jervis said in an interview with fasterlouder “Hopefully that helps out the King Gizzards and Courtney Barnetts who do sell a lot of music on Bandcamp.” Whilst we don’t condone the purchase of anything of, or pertaining to Courtney Barnett, this will certainly augur well for independent artists Australia-wide. The aforementioned stoner rock outfit, King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard‘s debut album Nonagon Infinity charted in the top 20 in May, despite well over a thousand Bandcamp purchases being invalid. There will almost certainly be more details released when an official announcement is made by ARIA, but in the meantime, consumers of independent music all over the country can now be secure in the knowledge that they are now not only supporting their favourite bands financially but helping their chart position as well. This also represents a very real threat to the ascendancy of major digital music retailers, should more artists choose to remain on Bandcamp’s far more user-friendly, profit-friendly, and overall far superior platform, instead of feeling obliged to fill the already overflowing coffers of Apple, Google, and Amazon, among others. The real question, though, is eligibility. Given that this is very early days, and we haven’t had an official statement yet, it remains to be seen as to what the qualifier is, price-wise. It would seem patently unfair, for instance, if one band sold 3,000...
Five Alternative Purchases To Justin Bieber VIP Tickets

Five Alternative Purchases To Justin Bieber VIP Tickets

Justin Bieber is coming to our fair shores in March ’17, and the front row tickets will run you a princely … wait, no, scratch that, a lordly $640 for VIP package #1, the ‘I’ll show you’ experience. Now, I want to preface what I’m about to write in this article by saying that Bieber is okay. Sort of. Purpose was a hard 6.5, maybe 7/10 tops, which in the context of his other releases, is probably equivalent to a 9/10. He’s not a particularly great singer, but I get the feeling that 99% of his fans aren’t too concerned with that, and probably don’t have much of a comparison metric to go on in the first place. In any case, if you are seriously considering dropping well over half a grand on this, I think it’s pretty fair to say you may not have fully explored your options re: what six-hundred-and-forty bones can get you, considering that the VIP package amounts to the following: • One ticket to the exclusive JB Pit inside the stage • One Premium Merchandise Pack created exclusively for Bkstg VIPs • One Exclusive Commemorative Laminate • Early Entry to the Venue • On site concierge including exclusive VIP Cloaking to allow you to store your exclusive Merchandise Pack until the end of the show • “I’ll Show You” VIP Pit Experience tickets can only be collected from the venue on the day of the event. No “I’ll Show You” VIP Pit Experience tickets will be sent out So without further ado, allow me to outline a bunch of ways in which you will...