Written by: The Astr0naut
Beef Advisement: This is to all the promoters, booking agents and event planners that have ever dealt with local cunts who like to think they deserve a guarantee for their pity little shitfests they like to call a “show”.
Let’s delve deep into the dark crevices of the local scene dynamics where no one really ever wants to go, and where the ugly secrets behind the curtains of the show actually lurk. In these shitty, and dimly lit places, there is general hope toward an outline of how bands, promoters, fans, and everyone else go hand in hand to create a peaceful atmosphere. Yeah that never really happens.
I’m pointing out bands, who in the scene, have the audacity to tell show hosts that they want a $250 – $400 [mid-size touring band price] guarantee, yet never draw more than 6-15 people. This is where the problem lies; bands do not deserve a guarantee, [on top of a guest list, plus girlfriends, groupies , parents, cats, reindeer, and cunty old grandmas] especially if they are not able to draw fucking heads to a god damn local band shindig. There’s a point of understanding where bands ask $100, but there’s the risk of not having a draw of at least ten, depending the price of the show.
In order to host an event locally, there’s a certain thing that needs to happen that sometimes does not. Bands and promoters alike are supposed to come together to create a great draw to make that show a night to be remembered. Now what actually happens is aside from many people not attending shows as often as they used to, no one fucking comes.
On another note, bands like to claim that the local scene is dead, and that no one books shows anymore. Let’s be realistic; if every single band needs a guarantee, and undersells to the point where the host can’t pay for the rest of the show, then you’re the fucking problem.
Bottom line: This isn’t every single band, and some bands that want guarantees can actually draw a good amount of people, but then there’s those who can’t, require guarantees, and fuck everything up. Stop making music and fuck off.
I Probably Hate Your Band is a shitty website full of asshole writers. We do nothing but destroy the hopes and dreams of young bands, and have never offered a single positive thing to the world. /Sarcasm
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