It’s that time again, scumlords and ladies! This week was a bit of a slow one on the news front, but there was more than enough beef to make up for it. It appears some people’s egos are so very fragile that they feel the need to lash out personally when anyone says anything nasty about their music. And so, last week when I posted the latest 10 bands article, one of the bands got so very ass-frustrated that they saw fit to post my personal details, and then make some pretty average insinuations about me. Now, bear in mind, these people submitted their music to a website called “I Probably Hate Your Band”. Bear in mind, also, that we actually have a full FAQ section that addresses exactly the kind of thing that happened to them. And, not content with calling me out publicly, and attacking me personally, the drummer even decided to inbox me, alluded that he is also in a much bigger deathcore band – notable for being number 11 on everyone’s top 10 favourite deathcore bands – and proceeded to assure me that he would tell everyone about IPHYB, presumably in a negative way.
Now, setting aside the fact that this basically would amount to him saying to his label mates, “those nasty IPHYB fellows said bad things about my music on the internet!!!”, he was also seemingly incapable of differentiating between a personal attack, and glib statements made about someone’s art. I mean, it’s a good thing I have broad shoulders or whatever, but I can’t help but think this is pretty much a perfect example of what is wrong with a lot of the music scene. You are not entitled to a fanbase. You are not inherently entitled to respect, least of all when you submit to an infamously cynical, often offensive website like IPHYB. You are entitled to respond however you see fit, but when that amounts to insinuations of heinous crimes, and threats of violence, you probably aren’t the full quid, and you’re probably a colossal fuckwit, too. Obviously, we are no strangers to backlash from the bands we review, and some take our critiques better than others. We don’t at all begrudge people a response, but there’s probably a line, you know? But, what do I know.
Most Popular Stories
As mentioned before, it was a little bit of a slow week for news. Deafheavenannounced an Australian tour, and perhaps more importantly, I re-listened to New Bermuda and it was actually pretty good. Don’t tell them I said that though, I don’t want them thinking I think they’re a good band or anything. I mean, for starters, that would require them to know we even exist in the first place. Legion Fest was given the funding greenlight for 2017, despite only hitting a tenth of their target of $3.5 million. Thriceteased a new album, which seemed to split the fanbase in two, and Every Time I Diecaused musical boners in all and sundry with a similar teaser. Ellie Goulding disappointed her fans by announcing a hiatus, and IPHYB regular reader, Richard White (A.K.A WhiteCock) apparently has no idea who she is, which presumably means that her 14 million strong fanbase needs to up their promo game. Foxingresponded to claims of sexual assault by one of their members, and The Word Alive’stour manager was jumped after chastising a deadshit local band for running over time and generally being flogs. Cheers.
There are few things in this world that trigger me harder than, a) shitty artist names that take a word and change one letter to be super witty and cool (black metal is exempt from this) and b) shitty artists who have zero talent and instead rely on perceived sex appeal to try and force a career that will have less substance than the green room of a straight edge gig. Seriously, fuck you for this video. It has literally no redeeming features, no measurable musical worth, and it has no place except for in my section about cringeworthy shit. And yes, I’m fully aware that I’m giving this ‘artist’ a platform, but my desire to make fun of it outweighs my disgust for its existence.
Everything requires balance, so to wash the taste of musical failure out of your mouth after that previous abomination, I present to you IPHYB regular columnist, and dad lick technician extraordinaire, James Norbert Ivanyi’s new track, ‘A Fatal Eminence’ from his forthcoming EP, The Usuper. It fucking rules. No review to go with it, just listen because it’s fucking sick. Cheers.
Comments/Savagery of the Week
Remember our mate Cotty from last week? Yeah, it turns out he doesn’t learn :^)
Nailed it. Sort your shit, ‘murrica.
If this isn’t the most accurate summary of Death Grips, I don’t know what is.
At The Drive In – Jim Ward = Only getting one knuck up a lass’s tuna canoe on prom night, apparently.
Those in high-school, shouldn’t throw shade, pal.
Ol’ mate WhiteCock gets a double feature. Firstly, for becoming the first victim of our now patented Ray Romanope method, and secondly for throwing us a curveball and going against his contrarian instincts
Steven Lewis Comment of the Week
Steve is probably our most dedicated reader, and for that he gets his own segment. Dude is a straight up legend, and never fails to brighten our day. You fucking rule, Steven!
Steve is such a fucking champion. Seriously. Even when he doesn’t like something, he’s super cool about it. Legend!
Most Controversial Topic of the Week
This week, it’s not so much a controversy as a topic of some consternation to Australian music fans, this past year. As we mentioned earlier, Legion has now been confirmed for 2017, after seeking, and confirming external funding for the festival to go ahead. Now, I hate to be the one to be the voice of reason, here … wait. Check that. I love to be the voice of reason, actually. Anyway, the problem is this: they didn’t get anywhere near their goal, and if the paltry pledges that were actually attracted are any indication, then Legion is probably setting themselves up for a huge fall. I can’t at all fathom exactly what an investor would have seen in their Pozible campaign that even remotely represents a secure return, but I can only imagine the person/s involved don’t care about losing money. Unless there are some shit-hot acts waiting in the wings, the current projected line-up for Legion is pretty pedestrian, and certainly doesn’t represent the kind of billing that would be required to pull of an undertaking such as they are pitching. It also probably bodes ill for those expecting a pay day out of it, and I’m assuming that most production companies around will be pretty gun-shy about operating on credit, after Soundwave all but eroded all confidence in that model being successful in the current live music climate in our fair country.
Now, I don’t want you to take this as me being all doom and gloom. I truly, honestly want this to go well, as a healthy live music environment is a huge boon to our scene, but as a music blogger I have an obligation to call things as I see them. And at present, I’m not seeing a whole lot of promise here. It’s a nice concept, and it’s an even nicer ideal to aspire to, but the reality is that without some really big drawcards, there isn’t going to be enough hype to jusify the price of admission, nor to guarantee a return on what is a very hefty financial investment. Dreams are all well and good, but poorly executed models damage the overall viability of a concept, as we’ve seen with Aj Maddah’s calamitous mismanagement of the festival gig. I just sincerely hope that John Sankey knows what he’s doing, and I wish Legion all the best. We will of course continue to cover everything Legion related, and to generate discussion on the topic because regardless of our individual thoughts on the matter, it IS an important track that will continue to be relevant as long as live music is alive and kicking.
This week’s question comes courtesy of Rowan Hummerston. He writes:
Do you guys have a “we made it” moment ? A milestone of sorts you’d like to achieve ?
Great quesion! When I initially started IPHYB, I never really gave success a second thought. I started the Facebook page as a pisstake one day, and we have constantly evolved ever since, to the point that we are now considered a pretty legitimate source of both information and entertainment by quite a few people. Honestly, I consider that a success in itself, but if we are talking about endgame sorts of scenarios, the dream is to be able to do what we do for a living. If it ever gets to the point where the four Editorial staff can pull a liveable wage, and we can pay all other contributors a standard per word rate for submitted pieces, then I would absolutely consider that a success. We put in a collective effort of around 100 hours every week to deliver the product that we do, and whilst it is a labour of love, it can get very difficult to manage in amongst living our lives and working day jobs, etc., so yeah, I’d say being able to do it full time is definitely the endgame. That being said, I would also settle for your mother not calling me 15 times a day for like three days straight after I give her the full 3 1/2 inches. Cheers
Chris Giacca just may be the worst writer in the world, but it doesn't matter because he probably still has a bigger audience than you, so he is by default automatically right about everything. No exceptions. He's currently writing a novel which will be uploaded in single chapter installments as spoken word on bandcamp. Physical releases will be on laser disc only, limited to 17 1/2 units. Don't ask about the half.