Song Review: xWeedxwhackerx – “Say No To Drugs (Chicken Club)”

Song Review: xWeedxwhackerx – “Say No To Drugs (Chicken Club)”

Song: Say No To Drugs (Chicken Club)
Band/Artist: xWEEDxWHACKERx
Location: Bendigo Victoria Australia
Date of Release: It was, yes. Don’t blame me for that.
Genre: Comedeathcore or Nagrock.
Reviewer: Ouroboris
For Fans Of: Dad Jokes disguised as metal or serious whinging.
Why They Aren’t Famous: Because they’re about as funny as Apartheid or if serious as about as challenging as a tea towel fight.

A straight edge metal band? Why yes I’ll try that out. (flexes typing knuckles)

To start with xWeedXWhackerX is either a joke band side project for Bendigo’s “Harrison Rule” or it really is some sort of metalcore band that is pushing an anti drug agenda. Which is probably going to be about as successful as the American EDM scene’s anti-drug house movement.

The fact that his/their soundcloud is cleverly disguised enough that you can’t tell whether or not they’re a joke or serious is worth a few points right there.
It’s either the one guy – a disturbing cross between every photo of a teenage girl on facebook and that mutant toddler Reece thing from Australian Idol or it’s an actual band. The soundcloud says “I do things” which is why I am suspicious about it being a one man project rather than a band.
Doing some other deep investigation to solve this mystery. I looked at the facebook page for them and with band members with names like Ketamine Stevenson and Jon Bukake (sic). They may actually fancy themselves in the same league of comedy as Melbourne grind legends “Blood Duster”.

Sadly this is not the case.

Ok then the song.

Let’s delay the lyrics for now and when we get to them you’ll thank me for doing so. Starting with a flanged drum loop limping into a big metal start. The Nancy Reagan inspired “Say No To Drugs” is not a bad little riff so chunky you can carve it metal stomper. The guitars are pretty heavy, the vocals are adolescently nauseating, the bass may or may not have turned up to the session and with the boringly unoriginal non-structure the song follows. The drums are adequate I guess. Although the roll sounds a little too artificial so may be a drum machine or programmed drums.

Production wise it’s pretty good. Structure wise it’s like something a young Liberal would come up with to accompany it’s agonisingly repetitive sloganistic chorus. It’s even short enough to be a commercial. Unfortunately the repetitive nature of this imagination free blandthem, eventually makes you forget you didn’t mind the riff.

Assuming it’s serious. It’s so predictable you’re begging for a change and 45 seconds in you get a 23 second hardcore verse which is the best thing about the whole song. Well not lyrically of course. Nothing about that is any good. Will we get it again? Maybe a second chorus to help us convince us this song could encourage us to put down pipes and picks?

Fuck no.

Instead a full minute after the last verse you get a chanting of the pitifully pandering chorus mantra of “You gotta say no no no no to drugs I don’t want to be in the ch-ch-chicken club” while the band stops playing long enough to get their 17 seconds of vocal chanting and even a “woo!” as if there’s anything in this song to woo about. They only do the one round of chants though with only the drums to back them as their temporarily dormant instruments drone out some feedback. I was amazed that they didn’t stop the guitars and just start clapping along and singing accapella like a school of grey nomads at a John Farnham concert. Maybe even get a pop singer to throw in some “heyyyeyeyeyyeyeyeys!!” in there like a Christian metal show in Midwest America contemporizing to make it “inclusive for all tastes”

But no. Australia’s greatest structure ignorant teen metal titans will just do this bit and soldier on. It’s almost like Right Wing thinking mixed with Edward Bernaise mind control. If you leave the gig chanting the line over and over to yourself, you might go home and think “yeah man say no” Hey if it didn’t work for Nancy Reagan and an entire nation – maybe it will work for a metal band in Bendigo.
So I’ve assumed all this is serious. The Harrison Rule Soundcloud they linked us has the address “timeforadrinkchampion” which is either taking the piss or criticising people who drink. Who knows and who gives a shit. Like Diane in Drugstore Cowboy says “Alright let’s finish this deal”

Apparently this travesty is a cover but strangely they don’t tell us who wrote the original. I’d look it up but this band has stolen enough of my lifespan as it is.
So it goes back to the head nodding beg of ” you gotta say..” until it wait for it….fades out.

If this is supposed to be funny it isn’t. If it’s supposed to be serious it’s not even passionate enough for me or anyone to make fun of. And anti-drug songs usually are that passionate. I feel that they are misappropriating the term “Straight Edge” as even though the movement has a bad habit of either producing moronically dogmatic, fascist puritans and equally former straight edge disllusioned, drug crazed, alcoholic thugs. This has nothing to do with even the most basic ideal of “Straight Edge” Because straight edge knows that telling people “no” is never enough. You’re supposed to state a case of why people should say “no”. Something this fails to do.

Ok the lyrics. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club
you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club

you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club
you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club

if someone tells you that drugs are very cool
tell them I don’t need them
I don’t wanna be a fool
I’ve got something deep inside of me
I’ve got myself and that’s okay with me

you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club
you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club

you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club
you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club

you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club
you’ve gotta say no no no to drugs
I want to be in the chi-chi-chicken club

If being you is your reason to not take drugs and that’s what you’re trying to tell people. Contact me through IPHYB and I’ll pay for your first taste of heroin. People as boring and dogmatic as you are better off on drugs.

Vocals: Boring
Pissweak
Guitars: 7/10
Bass: 2/10
Drums: 5/10. This may be a drum machine.
Production: 7/10
Lyrics: 0/10
Songwriting: 0/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 3/10
Personal Enjoyment Factor: 1/10

Song Review: xWeedxwhackerx – “Say No To Drugs (Chicken Club)”
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