Song: Windwaker – “The Better Way”

Song: Windwaker – “The Better Way”

Song: “The Better Way”
Band/Artist: Windwaker
Location: Wagga Wagga, NSW
Date of Release: 30/01/2015
Genre: Maroon 5-Core
Reviewer: Dead Set Dave
For Fans Of: Miley Cyrus, BMTH and anal bleaching
Why They Aren’t Famous: Because the amount of shits people have to give about Zelda are limited, at best.

Wagga Wagga, I didn’t think they had music there. I thought it was just a place for the Army to turn lumps of meat into men – men with guns, that is. The point is, I didn’t think there were any decent bands coming out of the place, and I still feel that way.

The song starts with a quality intro. The sampling and ambience are kind of cool, it’s dark and evil, even if the video looks like a year 7 student’s art project. One that he failed. Miserably. But I’m not here to talk about the video. Anyway after the intro we drop straight into some half-assed generic-as-fuck post-hardcore nonsense. Yeah, there’s some tapping on a 15 string guitar and the bass player does stuff, whatever. Listen to any post-hardcore band and you’ll know exactly what this sounds like. The thing which takes this from being generally boring, to absolutely horrific is the vocalist. I mean it’s fucking Adam Levine all over again. I can say with absolute honesty that as soon as I heard the first note of his voice I chopped off both my ears and sacrificed a small cow to Satan to rid myself of the memory (Note: May not have happened). I have to listen to these songs between 30 and 50 times to write about them. I’m in fucking pain man.

But far be it from me to rain on someone’s parade. Dude fronts a hardcore band. That’s pretty cool. Some people might like this music. I assume those people also like shoving their cockginas into bench grinders, but one can only speculate. Anyway, it doesn’t get much better from there. His screams are thin, weak and noticeably terrible. Mostly due to a depleted levels of testosterone (I assume). I’d mosh harder to Taylor Swift, but who wouldn’t?

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I hereby give Windwanker 1 and a half Taylor Swifts out of 5

Okay, so let’s get into some of the hard facts. The guitarists totally exist. They probably know the pentatonic scale, but anything else would be mere conjecture.

Anyway, fuck those guys. How about the bass player? Good? Bad? Angry at rhetorical questions? Who knows? Anyway, his ability is pretty decent. But the song isn’t dynamic enough for him to really shine. The same could be said of the drums, although I feel that some of that blame must fall on him. He has a huge kit (if the video is to be believed) but he really isn’t making use of it at all. The same thing could be accomplished on a drum machine and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.

There’s nothing wrong with anyone’s ability here, I just think a lack of motivation. People fear the unknown, trying to write music that is original and interesting is risky. People don’t like to take risks. If you write boring and generic music not only will people fail to give a shit, but you also make it way too hard for people to write about. I literally have written more about that book on the Hamptons Tony Stark has sitting on his table in the Avengers: Age Of Ultron trailer than I have about this band. Seriously. You’re less interesting than a prop that’s only visible for about a second. Try the fuck harder guys.

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We get it already, Tony Stark is rich, duh.

This band is the audible equivalent of jerking off into an industrial fan so that cum sprays back into your face.

I guess that’s why they called themselves Windwanker

 

troll

Okay I’m done now

Note: According to Facebook this band has moved to Melbourne. Either to complete the totality of their generic-ness, or as a move to try and further the accomplishments. If it’s the later, then I applaud them. But the realist in me tells me that it’s an extremely safe move – but a move all the same I guess.

Vocals –
Screams: 1/10
Cleans: 0/10
Guitars:5/10
Bass: 6/10
Drums: 6/10 (How’s the compression on the overheads? Shit son!)
Production: 7/10
Lyrics: 0/10
Songwriting: 4/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 3/10
Personal Enjoyment Factor: 0/10 Literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard

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Song: Windwaker – “The Better Way”
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