Song: Model & Maker – “Missing”

Song: Model & Maker – “Missing”

Song: “Missing”
Band: Model & Maker
Location: Adelaide South Australia
Date of Release: 12/02/15
Genre: Awfulternative
Why Aren’t They Famous?: Because they’re trying to sell themselves to the wrong market. If they were smart they’d send this snoredie pop to an easy listening station.
Reviewer: Ouroboris

There used to be a joke back in the ancient pre-internet 90s when the word “Alternative” was used to describe everything from beanies to car insurance. It was when someone asked “What exactly is this alternative to?” and the answer was “something good”. “Alternative to good” was a common adjective for bitter punks and people with taste higher in the food chain than No Doubt and Millencollin.

Model & Maker’s insipid FM radio pandering, Mother’s Day special release CD compilation worthy anthem “Missing” is quite easily the very worst submission ever handed in to us here at I Probably Hate Your Band. Although there are a few of us here with a variety of tastes (like metal to death metal to post-metal to prog metal to metalcore to even classic metal). There’s also a few of us who like non-metal related music and even some that use the dreaded “e” word (electronic). So there is a good wide spread of musical tastes, experiences and genres followed to equip us with the many different flavours we may be found.

This however is the sort of CD you find at Cash Converters because there was 20 of them still in the box they were manufactured in and they were all 20c each. I don’t know if the “alternative” joke I mentioned earlier has gotten that insufferable that mewling like a tear ridden Savage Garden cover band is now considered “alternative” or if these two sensitive brohards think that “alternative” is just a good way to sell the enemy to to the underground….or something like that.

If you’ve been raised on a steady diet of coma FM and music used to sell specialised shampoos for women, it still doesn’t explain why this is labelled “alternative”. Maybe it’s like males who claim to like Silverchair. A mystery for the ages.

Agonisingly overproduced, feely vocals and delayed guitar pickies accompany the world’s most pitifully predictable “gets in your eyes” lyrics and blander than a rice cracker, barely noticeable drum rhythms. The Dire Straits guitar solo is so by the numbers I’m getting DTs just thinking about turning this piece of shit off early and winging the rest. But I have a job to do so….(sigh)

I have a feeling this might have been sent to us as a troll. Christ I hope so. Did I mention there’s two of them? Two fucking singers. That’s like having both members of Savage Garden slid into your anus without even a dab of butter. Christ it’s so formulaic it could offend elevator muzak. I bet they finish with a filtered vocal of the main chor…OH FUCK YOU!!!!

Guitars: 0/10
Bass: 0/10
Drums: 0/10
Production: 3/10
Lyrics: 0/10
Songwriting: 0/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 1/10

Song: Model & Maker – “Missing”
Rate This Post (83.33%) 6 votes
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I Probably Hate Your Band is a shitty website full of asshole writers. We do nothing but destroy the hopes and dreams of young bands, and have never offered a single positive thing to the world. /Sarcasm
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