Song: The Noble and Most Ancient House Of Black
Location: Ohio, USA
Date of Release: 23rd September, 2014
Genre: Instrumental Technical Metal
Reviewer: Erised (abuse me on twitter @Giaccattack)
For Fans Of: Rings Of Saturn, Brain Drill, Origin.
Fuck I hate bands that have an elevated sense of what they are capable of. I also really hate bands that are ludicrously technical for no real reason at all. I also really hate bands that use references from my favourite things and then sully it with interminable dross. So, pretty much fuck you on all counts here.
I have a really, REALLY strong suspicion that there is nothing at all actually real in this song. Nothing sounds like it actually should. The guitars sound exactly like a GP6 file, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that’s exactly what it is. I could be wrong, but if that’s the case then I urge you to work on the guitar tones. Pretty sure I’m right though. I’m ALWAYS right. I write for IPHYB, after all.
In the absence of any technical aspects to review, I’m left with only the composition to review. Unfortunately for you, this is where the main problems occur. Overblown chromatic scale bullshit with no semblance of structure whatsoever does not make for pleasant or even worthwhile listening. There is absolutely nothing that suggests this song is anything other than an exercise in vaguely musical gymnastics. I have no doubt whatsoever that the composer pretty much sat there clicking random adjacent frets in GP and then went “eh! Good enough”. No. Not fucking good enough. There ARE some decent chug sections, granted, but that in no way mitigates the blatant disregard for tonality displayed throughout the remainder of this 7 fucking minute long track.
Done. Review over. Nothing to see here people, be about your daily lives.
Overall IPHYB Rating: 2/10
Enjoyment Factor: 0/10
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Chris Giacca just may be the worst writer in the world, but it doesn't matter because he probably still has a bigger audience than you, so he is by default automatically right about everything. No exceptions. He's currently writing a novel which will be uploaded in single chapter installments as spoken word on bandcamp. Physical releases will be on laser disc only, limited to 17 1/2 units. Don't ask about the half.
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