Song Review: Blindfold – “Six Star Saturday”

Song Review: Blindfold – “Six Star Saturday”

Song: “Six Star Saturday”
Band: Blindfold
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Date of Release: 00/12/2012
Genre: Alternative Rock
Reviewer: Pillowpants

I cannot shake a thought I had when I heard the 1st 30 seconds of ‘Blindfolds’ entrance into the gigantic pool of pissing in the wind musicians in alt-rock bands. In fact, that pool is probably just all piss. I thought “it’d be pretty fucken cool to have a front man that was in actual fact blind”! Imagine the feedback you would get from them with their super sensitive hearing? The emotion you could get out of a song cause that’s all the poor bastard wants? How tight and epic could that band be, no matter the genre?! Unfortunately for the poor bastards in ‘Blindfold’, they obviously do not have the ‘blind guy’ they so sorely need. Instead they have me (with a big fucken smile on my face! Suckers!) to tell them how shit they are.

Firstly, the lyrics fucken suck. Chorus: I can’t even type it. I can’t listen to it that hard without wanting to hit something. Not only are the lyrics bad, the vocalist is very boring. And not in that ‘lazy, grungy, cool, still melodic’ way. In the ‘shut the fuck up’ kind of way. Annnd, not only that, he can’t seem to sing in time randomly throughout ‘Six Star Saturday’, good work. Vocal range is only a few octaves, some words are sang ok, like another band I know from the late 90’s, I’m not searching for it though, fuck that. His chorus is also the least catchy, gut wrenching part of the song, kind of like, you know, the opposite of what you want. So I think that’s everything you want in a front man, taken and shat on. Well done.

The backing music is slow, dull and shit. I immediately thought after the whole ‘these cunts need a blind guy thing’, that if this was twice as fast it’d probably be a 5/10 old school punk song. No one cares if you suck dick at vocals if it’s fast punk shit. And at least the parts wouldn’t drag out forever, the pretty fitting solo (I know right?) at the end would be a lot sooner, and the piece of shit wouldn’t go for god damn 5minutes.

These guys have apparently got a few fans around Melbourne, I don’t know why. Maybe they’re cool and heavier live? Maybe it’s a Christian thing or like, one of the guys has cancer and people take pity on him thing? Maybe they’ve just found a niche in retards down that part of Aus. Well, the latter would be good, I’m sick of all the speds at the concerts I go to, take them all ‘Blindfold’, take them all.

tl;dr: Terribly boring, Terribly sang song. It’s alt-rock though, so maybe I’m missing something. Like brain damage.

Vocals: 2/10
Guitars: 2/10
Bass: 1/10
Drums: 2/10
Production: 0/10
Lyrics: 1/10
Songwriting: 1/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: Get an actual blind guy/10 (1.5/10, maybe, shit, whatever, it’s a fucken low as fuck balls cock score anyway. Take back the Tourettes I’m now experiencing fuck cunt ass whore)

Song Review: Blindfold – “Six Star Saturday”
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