Song Review: The Takeover – Solipsism

Song Review: The Takeover – Solipsism

Song review: Solipsism
Band: The Takeover
Location: Perth, Australia
Date of Release: 14/05/2014
Genre: Pop Punk
Reviewer: P#L#O#P#N#S

I cannot stress how much a hate this type of music. It’s like taking something that was once awesome and aborting it until it becomes the most sellable piece of money-generating shit that any 12 year old wreck of a child has ever laid their filthy, snot-ridden hands on. Now this is fine, people like this type of super up-beat-but-with-down-beat-lyrics, simple, digestible, boring ass shit, and that is great, just fucking great. They may only like it for 3 days, but who cares right? There’s gonna be more girls turning 12 soon anyway. Right? God I hope not.

Now I’m not saying that this is the worst song I’ve ever heard, but if I were in the room when it was conceived, you’d better believe I would have had a coat hanger in one hand, a baseball bat in the other, and I glimmer in my eye that some people may in future court cases refer to as ‘rape-y’. So It’s not the worst song ever. Why?

Well that’s because the vocalist can sing… well… I guess; the guitarists can change slightly from chorus to verse etc, everyone can stay in time, the drummer can sit upright, and the bassist can obviously gurn out in the corner drooling on himself. Mad props to y’all. Production is great, song sounds how it should, like shit to my ears, but grey-ish, thin, smooth, boring shit. Not that spluttery, brown as hell, corned up beast you take after drinking a bottle of Jack and then eating a mix of Mexican bean paste and leftover chicken from last fortnight. That shit is awesome, it has character. What the fuck is that in my shit? Who knows. Exciting.

And that’s exactly what this track lacks for me. The red liquid coming from your asshole. Excitement. Vocals although done well are not convincing, and that goes for all of these types of songs not just ‘Solipsism’. In fact none of the song is convincing, I think that’s the main reason I hate this type of music. None of the band members can convince me on this song that they’ve been playing their instruments for longer than a few months. The lyricist cannot convince me that he didn’t write down the first line that came to his head. And they cannot convince me that they didn’t write this for pre-pubescent teenage girls.

You will like this song if you enjoy the whinier side of pop-punk but hate it when things ‘happen’ in songs. You will like it or maybe even love it. For a week. Then onto the next one. There’s only so much lack of substance that any person can keep reigning enjoyment from over a period of time.

Unfortunately there are no pre-pubescent girls on IPHYB. And although we like to treat each other as if we are sometimes for sexual pleasure, alas ‘The Take Over’, you are shit out of luck.

Vocals: 7/10
Guitars: 5.5/10
Bass: drool/10
Drums: 5/10
Production: 8/10
Lyrics: Horrible/come the fuck on
Songwriting: 4/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 6/10

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I Probably Hate Your Band is a shitty website full of asshole writers. We do nothing but destroy the hopes and dreams of young bands, and have never offered a single positive thing to the world. /Sarcasm
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