Song Review: Stevie Rain – “Deathgrips”

Song Review: Stevie Rain – “Deathgrips”

Song review: “Deathgrips”
Band: Stevie Rain
Location: Perth, WA, Australia
Date of Release: 08th July, 2014
Genre: “Hardcore/Rap” so Rap Rock.
Reviewer: Dyler Turden

Stevie Rain is the band, the whole band, and nothing but bland.

The ancient art of genre splicing is usually attempted by the likes of scholars and alchemists, while sometimes dabbled in by poets and visionaries, it often outright sucks.
To clarify, I’m not talking about “mixing styles” in the way idiot bands use the term these days: “yeah bro, we’re a mix of djent AND metalcore” or “we don’t know our genre – it’s somewhere between country and western” – I mean “mixing styles” like when 2 seemingly incompatible genres are forcibly crossbred into a single godless abomination, begging to be put down lest it suffer the brutal and relentless mockery of the (in this case, unfortunate) non-deaf population.

Two quick points regarding the intro:
1. A gun shot sample? Srs? A machine gun. Don’t be fooled, Body Count this ain’t.
2. Did you bang your knee on a coffee table or something? That “fuck” yelp sounded uncomfortable. Props for leaving that take in, I shudder to imagine the attempts that got cut.

While the actual production is shmick and tidy, it can’t hide the utter awfulness that is the actual song. The guitars and drums sound great, but they are being used against their will. Held down and tortured into submission by 1 man – akin to an evil dictator who’s taking no prisoners in his war against listenable music. I am a firm believer that no guitar WANTS to play rap-metal unless it’s owned by Tom Morello.

Ever wonder why Aussie hiphop (“skiphop”) never takes off overseas? Because it sucks.
You heard me; it fucking sucks. The only thing worse is trying to awkwardly meld it with boring and derivative metal. There’s no flow to the vocals, no rhythm, no little licks or creative phrasing – just someone talking, vaguely in time with what sounds like Nickleback covering Avenged Sevenfold.

In his submission, Stevie Ray declares that the lyrics “are sung, so you can actually understand them” – well, mate, we don’t ask you to provide the lyrics for no reason. Let me demonstrate why you should just include the fucking words instead of a self-righteous proclamation dripping with wank; we don’t have the time or patience to comb through your song and try to fish out YOUR lyrics, no matter how fucking awesome you think you are. I’m really fucking glad that “you could actually understand them” because I lost interest after about 3 words, and with nothing to follow along (e.g. some goddamn lyrics) the song was utterly dead to me faster than a high end whore just finishing up the last member of Limp Bizkit. From what little I could make it through without groaning and checking to make sure no one actually witnesses me listening to this: “moronic” doesn’t even come close to describing this bland and clichéd word soup. Made up entirely of FaceBook posts from some “Question The Truth – Gubment is Watching” page, with some motivational pictures from “Strong Teen Women Unite” thrown in.
Stevie, you seem like a smart guy; you can play all the instruments, arrange them into something kind of like a song, you’ve got that rock star look going on – grab my fucking interest! I don’t want some dude from fucking Perth (or anywhere for that matter) tell me how someone can’t touch him or fuck him or whatever – it just seems so fake and detached.

One final question: why the fucking hell on Earth would you, as an artist TRYING to BUILD a following, require people to “like” your FaceBook page to “unlock” content? You should be shoving this down the ears of anyone dumb enough to listen, not pushing them into fluffing your stats to get content they have no obligation to like in the first place. That’s a bit fucking rich.

Vocals: Screams: 5/10 Cleans: 3/10
Guitars: 3/10
Bass: 2/10
Drums: 4/10
Production: 8/10
Lyrics: 2/10
Songwriting: 2/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 2.5/10
Personal Enjoyment Factor: 2/10

When a simple “wrong” won’t do, I would like to address the artist directly:
Mr Rain, what you’ve just created is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent song were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who listened is now dumber for having heard it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Disagree with me in 140 characters or less: @Dyler_Turden_

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Song Review: Stevie Rain – “Deathgrips”
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