Song review: “Deathgrips”
Band: Stevie Rain
Location: Perth, WA, Australia
Date of Release: 08th July, 2014
Genre: “Hardcore/Rap” so Rap Rock.
Reviewer: Dyler Turden
To clarify, I’m not talking about “mixing styles” in the way idiot bands use the term these days: “yeah bro, we’re a mix of djent AND metalcore” or “we don’t know our genre – it’s somewhere between country and western” – I mean “mixing styles” like when 2 seemingly incompatible genres are forcibly crossbred into a single godless abomination, begging to be put down lest it suffer the brutal and relentless mockery of the (in this case, unfortunate) non-deaf population.
1. A gun shot sample? Srs? A machine gun. Don’t be fooled, Body Count this ain’t.
2. Did you bang your knee on a coffee table or something? That “fuck” yelp sounded uncomfortable. Props for leaving that take in, I shudder to imagine the attempts that got cut.
You heard me; it fucking sucks. The only thing worse is trying to awkwardly meld it with boring and derivative metal. There’s no flow to the vocals, no rhythm, no little licks or creative phrasing – just someone talking, vaguely in time with what sounds like Nickleback covering Avenged Sevenfold.
In his submission, Stevie Ray declares that the lyrics “are sung, so you can actually understand them” – well, mate, we don’t ask you to provide the lyrics for no reason. Let me demonstrate why you should just include the fucking words instead of a self-righteous proclamation dripping with wank; we don’t have the time or patience to comb through your song and try to fish out YOUR lyrics, no matter how fucking awesome you think you are. I’m really fucking glad that “you could actually understand them” because I lost interest after about 3 words, and with nothing to follow along (e.g. some goddamn lyrics) the song was utterly dead to me faster than a high end whore just finishing up the last member of Limp Bizkit. From what little I could make it through without groaning and checking to make sure no one actually witnesses me listening to this: “moronic” doesn’t even come close to describing this bland and clichéd word soup. Made up entirely of FaceBook posts from some “Question The Truth – Gubment is Watching” page, with some motivational pictures from “Strong Teen Women Unite” thrown in.
Stevie, you seem like a smart guy; you can play all the instruments, arrange them into something kind of like a song, you’ve got that rock star look going on – grab my fucking interest! I don’t want some dude from fucking Perth (or anywhere for that matter) tell me how someone can’t touch him or fuck him or whatever – it just seems so fake and detached.
Vocals: Screams: 5/10 Cleans: 3/10
Overall IPHYB Rating: 2.5/10
Personal Enjoyment Factor: 2/10
Mr Rain, what you’ve just created is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent song were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who listened is now dumber for having heard it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Disagree with me in 140 characters or less: @Dyler_Turden_
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