Album review: Suck
Location: Perth, Australia
Date of Release: 2nd July, 2014
Some time in the long distant future, when metadata is buried under layers of stray code and erroneous bandwidth, when once-proud online review websites ran by gloriously hung god-like men of myth and legend lie dormant like so many ancient, monolithic structures that once raked the sky in vainglorious contempt of the Gods themselves, someone will uncover the fossilised data of this “album” and be presented with a time capsule of various sounds cobbled together into what is possibly the broadest definition of “song” known to man. I assume that this will happen at a time when mankind is far more advanced than we are now and that their elevated existence will give them a new perspective on just what “music” is. I am also supremely confident that they will listen to this for about 30 seconds, think to themselves “What the ever-loving fuck is this?” and then permanently consign it to the virtual trash heap of errant sound-waves from whence it came. They will then continue on with their lives, none the richer for having played witness to this paean to pseudoephedrine abuse, self-indulgence and artistic weirdery.
So to clarify, this is a collection of works crafted entirely out of “the natural vibrations of everyday objects”. It reads like an interesting concept. It sounds like a sentient robot fucking a washing machine whilst one of those toy drinking birds watches on forlornly, wistfully wishing it could join in but accepting the fact that it is doomed to forever miss out on the carnal delights of borking whitegoods in favour of being compelled to drink from the same goddamn cup for the duration of it’s existence. I mean, there isn’t a solitary moment where this collection of recordings traverses what I would consider a “listenable” tangent, instead residing entirely within the art-house spectrum of “I-think-I’m-more-cerebral-than-you-because-I-listen-to-Zweizz” (yes I had to look up noise artists, what of it!).
What there is, however, is a LOT of fun to be had playing a new game I created whilst listening to this. It’s called “Where’s Wally: Music Edition”. In it, you try to identify what sounds are what, based on the info that Furchick has embedded with each track. It makes the listening experience so much more enjoyable, and to compliment that, I modded the game. It is now “Where’s Wally: Music Edition 2 (This time it’s personal….and there’s alcohol)” which basically ended up devolving into me downing as much vodka as I could to try and make sense of what was going on. I failed, but I DID throw up and manage to soild myself from three places at once, so I guess you could say it was mildly successful.
You probably think this review was more an excuse for me to go off on a tangent, and you’re probably right, but without critiquing the intent behind the project, I’m left with only the musical elements to work with. As a piece of art, it works because it seeks to alienate you with comfort. How so? Well, by using familiar sounds to create jarring pieces of abstract noise, Furchick has inadvertently (or perhaps purposefully, who knows?) managed to craft something that is simultaneously comforting AND disquieting at the same time. If that’s the aim of the game, then I can definitely say that this is an unqualified success. However, I’m here to review the music itself, and as far as musicality goes, there is precious little to be found throughout the entirety of this compilation. The more artistically minded will argue with me on this point, no doubt, but as far as any real musical appeal goes, this is an abyssal chasm of woe, a loveless void of music incarnate. If you can go back for a second listen, you are a braver man than I, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Overall IPHYB Rating: as a concept, it undoubtedly delivers what the packet describes
Enjoyment Factor: Totally unlistenable to anyone who isn’t blazed/tweaked/an art student
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Chris Giacca just may be the worst writer in the world, but it doesn't matter because he probably still has a bigger audience than you, so he is by default automatically right about everything. No exceptions. He's currently writing a novel which will be uploaded in single chapter installments as spoken word on bandcamp. Physical releases will be on laser disc only, limited to 17 1/2 units. Don't ask about the half.
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